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Unitarian
Universalist Principles and Parenting
Small Group Ministry Rev. Helen Zidowecki 32 Stevenstown Road, Litchfield, ME 04350, 207-582-5308 hzmre@hzmre.com
UNITARIAN
UNIVERSALIST PRINCIPLES/PARENTING
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Parenting: 1. Introduction Parenting: 2. The Ultimate Religious Educators Parenting: 3. The Chalice of Our Spiritual Journey Parenting: 4. Inherent Worth and Dignity Parenting: 5. Justice = Rights and Responsibilities Parenting: 6. Equity, Compassion, Peace Liberty Parenting: 7. Social Justice Parenting: 8. Spiritual Development Parenting: 9. Search for Truth and Meaning Parenting: 10. Right of Conscience and the Democratic Process Parenting: 11. The Interdependent Web of all Existence Parenting: 12. The Child Factor
Originally written
by Helen Zidowecki and Linda Findlay as an adult curriculum for the
Unitarian Universalist Community Church, Augusta ME
Format revised to
Small Group Ministry format in 2006.
Revised October
2012.
UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST PRINCIPLES/PARENTING: SMALL GROUP MINISTRY HOW DOES SMALL GROUP MINISTRY APPLY TO PARENTING? Parents
gathering in small groups to discuss parenting is not new. Curricula
and information for parents is not new. What we are adding here is
the concept of Small Group Ministry. What makes a small group a
"ministry group" lies in the name itself.
Small
Group Ministry provides a connection
with the faith community. This
connection is essential as we take our spiritual journeys with the
support of a faith community.
Service
to the congregation or larger community stem
from the call to faith in action that comes from living out of our
spiritual journey, and is compelled by our own increasing sense of
ministry as part of a growing spiritual life.
The
purpose
of the sessions is
to minister to each other as well as to provide opportunity for
spiritual growth by
Time
and frequency of sessions.
Small Group Ministry usually involves meeting once and preferably at
least twice a month for 2 hours over a period of time. However, the
program could be implemented in several longer sessions, such as a
day-long program, covering several sessions.
Size
of the group. A
major consideration is the size of the group. We connect on a deeper
personal level with small groups. The suggested maximum size is 5-10,
including the facilitator. When the number of participants exceeds
this 10, a new group needs to be started in order to preserve the
relational aspect. Groups smaller than 5 can certainly use the
material but there will be a decrease in diversity of backgrounds and
situations, and sharing.
Develop
a covenant or "Guidelines for Being Together"
so that the participants have input and expectations are stated in
the language of the group. This is a covenant, or promise on how to
act when together, moving from just avoiding disruption and conflict
to a way of caring. Developing a covenant should be one of the first
sessions of a group. The covenant is reviewed when a new person joins
the group and at least annually.
The
format
of the sessions provides a simple structure:
Opening
words/lighting candle/chalice
gathers people, and sets the time for being together as special. The
opening relates to the topic. The readings may be read by more than
one person or “with multiple voices.” Some ways of doing
this is to 1) have one person read the parts in italics, another
person read the parts in regular type, or 2) read around the circle,
with each person taking a section.
Check-in
allows everyone an opportunity to speak, without interruption. (It
may be helpful to set a time for this, such as 3 minutes for each
person, with the option of extending the time if needed and if agreed
by the group.) Check-in is usually sharing accomplishments or
concerns, highlights in our lives since the last session. An
exception is the first session, which includes more introductory
sharing.
Passing
is acceptable. Someone who passes may wish to speak after others have
shared. Not all sharing is appropriate in the group. When a person
needs more discussion, make plans for that to occur outside of the
session time.
Topic/Activity
provides thoughts or reflective questions for the group to start the
dialogue.
In using dialogue:
The
critical part of developing the session plans is the manner in which
the questions are asked.
The
focus is on considering the topics as adults, then how we might
consider the topics with children. It will be helpful to hold a
specific child or children in mind during a session.
Closing
words
mark the end of the time together, but are not summaries of the
session. As with
the Opening
Words, the
closing words can be from various sources, and may be spoken by more
that one person, or “with multiple voices.” (See
suggestions above, under Openings.)
If
a chalice or candle has been lit, it is extinguished now.
Likes/Wishes.
Participants have a chance to comment on how the session went for
them, and to make suggestions for enhancing the session or the group
process. This allows time to review plans for the next session.
Facilitators
The sessions can be lead by one or two facilitators, or an overall
facilitator and rotating the facilitation per session.
Facilitators
need to be able to guide the sessions along the planned focus, while
still allowing flexibility to address specific needs of participants.
Facilitators do not have to be experts in the topic being presented
in a session.
The
role of the facilitator is to
The
facilitator is also a participant in the dialog, but the first
consideration of the facilitator is the group process. It is vital
that facilitators don't ‘lead’ too much. They are to be
present, to help keep things on track. They may have to move
discussions along, but it is the members who ‘own’ the
group and have the primary responsibility for its success or failure.
Expectations
of participants
More
information on Small Group Ministry can be found on various web
sites, such as
Unitarian
Universalist Association at http://www.uua.org/cde/sgm/
Small Group Ministry
Network at http://www.smallgroupministry.net/
You
may also request more information by writing to the Helen Zidowecki
via e-mail at hzmre@hzmre.com
.
© Zidowecki,
Revised for the Unitarian Universalists Community Church, Augusta,
Maine, October 2012
UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST PRINCIPLES/PARENTING: SMALL GROUP MINISTRY Parenting: 1. Introduction (1 of 12 sessions) Opening
Words/Lighting a candle/chalice
Perhaps
the greatest service the church can provide for parents is to help
them become articulate about religion. For so many of us, religion is
something that we think about, wonder about, and very seldom put into
exact words. So, when the child comes home with endless questions, we
are at a loss to know how they should be answered. We stumble, we
hesitate, we postpone. The child senses that perhaps religion is
something that we don't want to talk about, something different from
other areas of thought, where parents are so sure and so positive. We
must learn to be positive about our uncertainty.
Few experiences could be more valuable to a group of liberal parents than to sit down together and talk with one another about religious ideas; talk until the expression of those ideas comes clearly and easily; talk until they are fully aware of the wide diversity of faith, the wide variety of explanation, existing among us. The clarity of our own religious faith, expressed in little remarks, in ordinary conversation, in the simple ideas that are constantly heard, are things that will make us teachers of religion. The actions we perform toward our neighbors, the sympathy with which we accept their differences from us, the compassion that we express when we hear of suffering and wrong, these are the things that will build our children's positive values. And these we can only develop as we become more conscious of just what it is that we do believe, what are the things we truly hold dear, what are the values that are at the heart of living.
“Ourselves and
Our Children's Faith”,
Dorothy
Spoerl, 1960’s, adapted
Check in/Sharing: How long have you been a Unitarian Universalist? What is your experience with children? Topic/Activity:
Checkout/Likes
and Wishes:
How was the session for you?
Closing
Words:
"Living our principles" is a nice motto, but in modeling
Unitarian Universalist values, do our interactions with children
model reverence and respect for life, and support and enhance their
self-esteem? Are we willing to admit to ourselves and to our children
when our actions are not in harmony with our beliefs and values?
There is no guarantee that our children will be lifelong members of a
Unitarian Universalist congregation, but there is a guarantee that,
if we are aware of being living role models for our children, our
religion will be challenging, changing, and visible. Are you ready?
© Unitarian
Universalist Community Church, Augusta, ME, Rev. Helen Zidowecki,
2012
Parenting: 2. The
Ultimate Religious Educators (2
of 12 sessions)
Opening
Words/Lighting a candle/chalice Suggestions:
1.) have one person read the parts in italics, another person read
the parts in regular type, or 2.) read around the circle, with each
person taking a section.
Children
participate in a Religious Education Program for a short time once a
week;
Parents
see them at all times of day and night.
Children
are greeted when they come to church;
Parents
get them there, and show the importance of attending by coming
themselves.
Children
are given information and experiences to help them explore spiritual
issues;
Parents
are frequently the ones present when the "religious"
questions are asked, like "Do dogs go to heaven?" or "I
don't believe that God is a man or a woman. Do you?"
Check
In/Sharing: How
are things with you today?
Topic/Activity: Guided imagery: Read reflectively, pausing for a few seconds between the points: This guided imagery focuses on our religious past as a basis for building positive religious experiences with our children. It is not limited to a church or organized religious setting. You may guide where your thoughts go, and you may return to this space at any time. •Find
a comfortable position. Think of an experience from your childhood
that you label as ‘religious’ or ‘spiritual’.
• Be aware of where this happened--in a church building, by a campfire, in a youth group, in nature, in a special place…… • Feel the surroundings--the sights, smells, light and darkness, temperature, sounds. • Remember who was there with you--friends, family, someone special? Feel their presence. If you were physically alone, did you feel the presence of anyone or anything? • Think of a word or phrase to describe the experience. Stay in the experience for a few moments, savoring its memory. You can return to this place at any time. But for now, slowly return to the group, gradually become aware of the sounds and temperature in the place where we are meeting now. Open your eyes to show us that you are back from the journey.
Check
out/Likes and Wishes: How
was the session for you?
Closing
Suggestions:
1.) have one person read the parts in italics, another person read
the parts in regular type, or 2.) read around the circle, with each
person taking a section.
''When We Live. We Learn" ("Children Learn What They Live" by Dorothy Law Nolte, adapted) When
we live with criticism,
We learn to
condemn.
When
we live with hostility,
We learn to
fight.
When
we live with shame,
We learn to feel
guilty.
When
we live with tolerance,
We learn to be
patient.
When
we live with encouragement,
We learn
confidence.
When
we live with praise,
We learn to
appreciate.
When
we live with fairness,
We learn justice.
When
we live with security,
We learn to have
faith.
When
we live with approval,
We learn to like
ourselves.
When
we live with acceptance and friendship,
We learn to find
love in the world.
© Unitarian
Universalist Community Church, Augusta, ME, Rev. Helen Zidowecki,
2012
Parenting: 3. The
Chalice of Our Spiritual Journey (3
of 12 sessions)
For
optional activity: Singing
the Living Tradition
(1993)
and
Singing
the Journey
(2005).
Opening
Words/Lighting a candle/chalice
The Living Tradition we share draws from many sources: Direct
experience of that transcending mystery and wonder affirmed in all
cultures, which moves us to a renewal of the spirit and an openness
to the forces which create and uphold life;
Words
and deeds of the prophetic women and men which challenge us to
confront powers and structures of evil with justice, compassion, and
the transforming power of love;
Wisdom
from the world's religions which inspires us in our ethical and
spiritual life;
Jewish
and Christian teachings which call us to respond to God's love by
loving our neighbors as ourselves;
Humanist
teachings which counsel us to heed the guidance of reason and the
results of science and warn us against idolatries of the mind and
spirit;
Spiritual
teachings of Earth-centered traditions which celebrate the sacred
circle of life and instruct us to live in harmony with the rhythms of
nature.
The Principles and
Purposes, Bylaws of the UUA (Article II).
Check
In/Sharing: How
are things with you today?
Topic/Activity The Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA) formed in 1961 from the American Unitarian Association and the Universalist Church of America. The process for developing and changing the Principles and Purposes includes intense discussion in local congregations and at General Assembly over several years. There
are two components of the Principles: the affirmations
and
the living tradition sources.
The affirmations, frequently call “The Principles,” form
the common bond among us as guidelines for living, rather than a
theological statement.
The sources in the Opening Words show the diversity of our religious tradition. While both Unitarian and Universalists have roots in Jewish and Christian heritage, Unitarian Universalism draws on the world's religions.
Optional
Activity: Singing
the Living Tradition
organizes material around the sources, as noted in the Contents.
Singing
the Journey
continues the diversity. Name a hymn or reading that is meaningful to
you.
Notice
the diversity of sources represented in the selections of the group.
Imagine
the Unitarian Universalist symbol, the flaming chalice. Think of the
bowl of the chalice as holding the sources,
or that the sources
are the fuel. The affirmations
come
out of the sources and are the visible part of our faith community,
or the flame.
The
inherent worth and dignity of every person; Justice, equity and compassion in human relations; Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations: A free and responsible search for truth and meaning; The rights of conscience and the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large; The goal of world community with peace, liberty and justice for all; Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.
Direct
experience of transcending mystery and wonder, which moves us to
renewal of the spirit and openness to forces which create/ uphold
life;
Words and deeds of the prophetic women and men which challenge us to confront powers and structures of evil; Wisdom from the world's religions which inspires us in our ethical and spiritual life; Jewish and Christian teachings which call us to respond to God's love by loving our neighbors as ourselves; Humanist teachings which counsel us to heed the guidance of reason and the results of science and warn us against idolatries of mind and spirit; Spiritual teachings of Earth-centered traditions which celebrate the sacred circle of life and instruct us to live in harmony with the rhythms of nature Check
out/Likes and Wishes: How
was this session for you?
Closing Words: The affirmations are presented here as they appear in the Unitarian Universalist Association Bylaws, followed by a children's version from The Unitarian Universalist Alphabet (Zidowecki, 1999, adapted February 2002). There are various editions for children, but none are “official.” Suggestion: alternate reading the parts between two readers or divide the group into two parts.. Read the first and last statement as a total group. Unison: We, the member congregations of the Unitarian Universalist Association, covenant to affirm and promote:
Unison:
Grateful for the religious pluralism which enriches and ennobles our
faith, we are inspired to deepen our understanding and expand our
vision. As free congregations we enter into this covenant, promising
to one another our mutual trust and support.
UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST PRINCIPLES/PARENTING: SMALL GROUP MINISTRY Parenting: 4. Inherent Worth and Dignity (4 of 12 sessions) Topic/Activity:
Select either the story about Emerson and Thoreau, or IALAC,
as there may not be time to do both. If IALAC is used, a large sign
and tape will be needed.
AFFIRMATION: The inherent worth and dignity of every person. Everyone is important. Opening Words/Lighting a candle/chalice I'm unique and unrepeatable. I’m glad to be me. You're unique and unrepeatable. I’m glad that you’re you. We're unique and unrepeatable. I’m glad that we’re us.
From the song, “I’m
Unique and Unrepeatable” found in We
Believe and
Around
the Church, Around the Year. The
original source is listed as unknown.
Check
in/Sharing: How
are things with you today?
Topic/Activity: The story is a composite of stories taken from the Unitarian Universalist Alphabet. These stories are found in various other curricula and writings.
RALPH WALDO
EMERSON and HENRY DAVID THOREAU
Mr.
Emerson was a Unitarian minister. Eight of his ancestors, like his
father and grandfather and great-grandfather were ministers. He was
expected to be one, too. But he didn’t like being a minister,
so changed to being a writer and speaker instead. He wrote and spoke
about many of his ideas. He wanted everyone to develop their own
ideas and beliefs. He wanted to spread kindness and joy, and to make
people feel better and think more. He was upset that people owned
other people, called slaves.
Mr. Emerson was over six feet tall. He stood very straight. He had a deep voice. When he was around, people felt good about themselves. A woman who washed clothes for people came to hear him speak. She didn’t really understand what he was saying, but she loved to see him standing before the group making everyone think that they were as good as he was, just by the way he talked! Mr. Emerson loved children. A child could always go into the room where he was writing. He kept paper, pencils and scissors for them -- and something to eat. He liked to have fun with children and enjoyed picnics. He had four children of his own. One day he was planning a picnic with his children. They invited children of all ages -- and some adults, too. There was a huckleberrying party, when everyone went hunting for berries to make pies. This party was to be led by Henry David Thoreau, because he knew where all the berries were! The day of the picnic was sunny. Everyone was finding lots of berries. Suddenly Edward Emerson, who was about four years old, tripped and fell. He was carrying a big basket of berries. They went all over the place and got dirty and squished. Edward started to cry. People tried to give him some of their berries, but he still cried. Mr. Thoreau came over to see why Edward was crying. He put his arm around Edward. “Edward,” Mr. Thoreau said, “if huckleberries are to continue to grow, some have to be scattered to start new plants.” Mr. Thoreau said that he thought that nature needed to have little children sometimes stumble and scatter the berries. “There will be a lot of berries here someday, and we shall owe them all to you!” Mr. Thoreau said. Edward began to smile again. Numerous other children’s stories address this principle, such as “traditional” stories: “The Ugly Duckling,” by Hans Christian Andersen “The Little Engine That Could” “Rudolph, the Red Nose Reindeer”
=====================================================================
I Am Lovable and
Capable
(IALAC)
Based on the theme of the story by Sidney Simon (1973). Have a big IALAC sign. Read the following story. When something negative occurs, have a participant tear a piece from the sign. When positive, tape a piece onto the sign. When I got up this morning, my son reminded me that he needed cookies for school—and the bus was due in a half hour! Well, I got breakfast for my daughter, the same cereal that she has been requesting for the last three months, and she said I never give her any variety! As I got ready for work, I found that I had forgotten to return a call last evening. It made me feel so inadequate about juggling things. My boss disagreed with the presentation I had been working on for a week, but didn’t have any helpful suggestions. I got home just as the children got home from school. These afternoon hugs are so great. But my son didn’t want to talk with me: he just wanted to play with a friend. My daughter stopped to ask me about my day, but really didn’t hear me when I said that it hadn’t been all that great. Supper was really a pleasant time. We got into a discussion and really listened to each other. Bedtime was a fight, as my daughter was still doing her homework and said that it was my fault because I made her do some chores and took away from homework time. Things always seem to be blamed on me. How does the IALAC sign look at the end of the story? Share comments on the activity. Questions
Check
out/Likes and wishes: How
was this session for you?
Closing Words: Everyone is important. Our posture may reflect how we feel about ourselves. When we feel good about ourselves, we sit or stand straight, or erect. When we are tired or upset, our shoulders sag, as if we were trying to fold into ourselves and become invisible. Feel what I mean. Let your shoulders sag, and slump in the chair. Try to take a deep breath. It works better if we sit or stand as if we own the world! Sit as if you are being pulled up to the ceiling. Breathe deeply, and let the breath go. What makes a difference? Knowing that we are each a being of worth and dignity, of truth and meaning, of justice and compassion, and that we are accepted for who we are.
© Unitarian
Universalist Community Church, Augusta, ME, Rev. Helen Zidowecki,
2012
Parenting: 5.
Justice = Rights and Responsibilities
(5
of 12 sessions)
AFFIRMATIONS: Justice, equity, and compassion in human relations; and The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all. We are fair and kind to others. We help to make the world a better place for everyone. Opening Words/Lighting a candle/chalice Many Unitarian Universalist parents are involved in numerous ways with significant social justice projects and issues, yet often their children are not involved with them or even aware of their parents' participation. We need to make connections between our faith and our actions, to share with our children why we do what we do. As parents, we are key to our children's religious growth. The way we model, acting on our faith within the family, and the issues we raise are crucial to whether our children will feel that they, too, can act on their faith. (Parents As Social Justice Educators, 1993, p. l) Check in/Sharing: How are things with you today? Topic/Activity: It’s
NOT fair!!!!!!!
Share a time you
said or thought those words.
When have you heard
a child say those words? What was your response?
Justice
has balancing parts: rights and responsibility.
Check
out/Likes and Wishes: How
was the session for you?
Closing
Words:
The following is inspired by "On Children" in The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. Our children are not ours alone. They are the sons and daughters of our heritage. They come through us and live with us, but, as much as we give them, they are not ours to claim. We give them experiences to shape their thoughts. We share from our past and our present, But their future we cannot envision or visit. We can walk with them, but they move beyond us. We ask them to think for themselves. We cannot stop them from thinking thoughts different from ours own. This they will do in response to our love, respect—and space.
© Unitarian
Universalist Community Church, Augusta, ME, Rev. Helen Zidowecki,
2012
UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST PRINCIPLES/PARENTING: SMALL GROUP MINISTRY Parenting: 6. Equity, Compassion, Peace, Liberty (6 of 12 sessions) AFFIRMATIONS:
Justice, equity, and compassion in human relations; and
The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all. We are fair and kind to others. We help to make the world a better place for everyone. Opening Words/Lighting a candle/chalice Suggestions: 1.) have one person read the parts in italics, another person read the parts in regular type, or 2) read around the circle, with each person taking a section. Children
are expected to develop their own opinions,
but I can share
my thoughts.
It
is OK if I do not have answers.
I can assist in
finding the resources.
It
is OK if I haven't formed an opinion.
I don't have to
have opinions on everything.
It
is OK if a topic is not important to me.
I can accept the
importance to the child.
It
is OK to state that things are ‘right’ or ‘wrong’,
and my reasons for these positions.
I may disagree
with others, without saying that mine is the only or best way.
I
answer from my experience at a point in time.
I may give
different answers at different times.
Helen Zidowecki
Check
in/Sharing: How
are things with you today?
Topic/Activity
Check
Out/Likes and Wishes: How
was the session for you?
Closing
Words:
From children we learn as we define our own thoughts and opinions. To children we give as we share of ourselves and our life’s wisdom. Together we learn from each other.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCE:
Dialogue With Children
Suggest giving this to participants at the end of the session. It is not intended to be used for discussion during the session. Each
of us has a different personality mix and style that influences how
we receive and process information, interact, and understand. There
is increasing understanding of "multiple intelligences" and
"varying abilities". How we interact with others, including
children, is influenced by the individuality of the people involved.
How we talk with children about religious questions, models our
respect for them as individuals. Making time for them demonstrates
their importance to us and the importance of spiritual journeys and
religious pursuits to us.
Discussions involve sharing ideas and information, and possibly, consciously or unconsciously, attempting to influence others. Dialog involves sharing ideas with the intent of also learning, so that the ideas of each person may change. Dialog encourages continuing exploration for parent and child. Adults can show a willingness to talk about issues. • Listen when a question is asked; acknowledge the question. • If you do not understand the question, ask to have it repeated. • Answer the question when it is asked, if possible. If there is not time, plan a time to discuss the topic as soon as possible, and keep this commitment. Try to determine the context for the question and how much information is really wanted. • Keep the answers short, simple and age-specific. Elaborate on answers, as the child continues questioning. • Some questions will be asked repeatedly at different ages, and the answers may change depending on the situation and age of the child. Think of many sides of an issue, some of which may become apparent as you talk. The content of the dialogue will depend on the age of the child and one's own spiritual journey. However, presenting options encourages thinking beyond the sometimes obvious factors and even beyond the immediate dialogue. REFERENCE FOR DISCUSSIONS Being a Unitarian Universalist Parent. "Discussing Questions with Our Children," p. 10. See also Religious Education At Home, by Betsy Hill Williams, CLF, 1994, Chapter 2.
© Unitarian
Universalist Community Church, Augusta, ME, Rev. Helen Zidowecki,
2012
UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST PRINCIPLES/PARENTING: SMALL GROUP MINISTRY Parenting: 7. Social Justice (7 of 12 sessions) AFFIRMATIONS:
Justice, equity, and compassion in human relations; and
The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all. We are fair and kind to others. We help to make the world a better place for everyone. Opening Words/Lighting a candle/chalice The
Flaming Chalice is
a flame burning the holy oil of helpfulness and sacrifice--spreading
warmth and light and hope. The chalice has been a symbol of liberal
religion since the fifteenth century, dating to John Hus in
Transylvania.
Hans
Deutsch was an Austrian refugee who lived in Paris until France was
invaded in 1940. He had worked in many European countries as a
musician, drafter, and portrait artist. Having contributed many
cartoons with unflattering content (about Nazism) to several
newspapers in Vienna, he fled Paris and finally settled in Portugal
where he joined the staff of the Unitarian Service Committee for six
months as secretary and assistant to Dr. Charles E. Joy, executive
director of the USC.
Dr.
Joy felt that this new, unknown organization needed a visual image to
represent Unitarianism to the world, especially when dealing with
government agencies abroad. He asked his new assistant to work in his
spare time on designing a symbol for the Committee to use. The result
was the Flaming Chalice that grew out of social action and was
adopted by the Unitarian Service Committee in 1941.
From
http://www.uua.org/aboutuu/chalice.html
Check in/Sharing: How are things with you today? Topic/Activity: We tend to think of social action only in terms of social service projects, but I suggest that we think about four different types of social action. Social education, or helping people to understand social issues. Social education can include both learning about a particular social issue and teaching others about an issue. Social witness, or publicly expressing your personal convictions about a particular issue. Social witness can range from letters to the editor, to participating in rallies and marches, to getting arrested as a public statement of your views. Social service, or providing direct services to those who are in need. It is this type of social action in which we most often ask kids to get involved: we ask kids to work in a soup kitchen, or to raise money for a good cause. Direct action, where you attempt to affect the decision-making process. Examples of this type of social action might include writing letters for Amnesty International, contacting elected representatives, and even engaging in civil disobedience.
Dan Harper,
REsources for Living, July/August 2003, Church of the Larger
Fellowship. Also see http://www.uua.org/clf/re/listings.html,
Ethics/Social Action
Check
out/Likes and Wishes: How
was the session for you?
Closing Words: Adults and children need (and want) projects they can understand, and projects where they can see an end result. They want to contribute to a long-term effort, or is it just another "band-aid" project. With this in mind, consider this closing story. It
is Thanksgiving and an eight-year-old had not cleaned her plate. I
heard my son say, "Laura, clean your plate. Think of all the
starving children in the world." Laura steadily asserted that
there were no longer starving children in the world. Everyone "jumped
down her throat," as we say. She adamantly replied, “You
don't understand! My class sent them a care package last week."
Dorothy
Spoerl
© Unitarian
Universalist Community Church, Augusta, ME, Rev. Helen Zidowecki,
2012
UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST PRINCIPLES/PARENTING: SMALL GROUP MINISTRY Parenting: 8. Spiritual Development (8 of 12 sessions) AFFIRMATION:
Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in
our congregations. Church
is a place where we grow together.
Opening Words/Lighting a candle/chalice Pets and children often sense whether we are calm and approachable, or irritated and unapproachable, even without our speaking. This relates to our sense of spiritual well-being and places the responsibility on us to be attentive to our own spiritual needs. The degree to which these needs are addressed will have an impact on those around us. Helen Zidowecki Check in/Sharing: How are things with you today? Topic/Activity Just as adults and children are at different developmental stages for cognitive, physical and social development, adults and children are at differing levels in faith development. Spiritual development is a lifelong process – lifespan faith development.
1. Select a ‘sacred
topic’ -- like god. Complete the statements:
“When I was a
child, I believed that God ……” and “Now my
concept of God is………”
2. Share a talk that you had with a child about a ‘sacred topic’ – like god, prayer, death, beginnings. How much information about your own beliefs do you include in talking with children? 3. Spiritual practices enhance spiritual growth. What are your spiritual practices? Are children aware of your spiritual practices? How do you include children in your practices? Have your children developed spiritual practices of their own? Check
out/Likes and Wishes: How
was the session for you?
Closing:
“How
Can We Know What God Is?” Author unknown, From
We Believe,
p.73
Suggestion: Use multiple voices: 1.) have one person read the parts in italics, another person read the parts in regular type, or 2) read around the circle, with each person taking a section.
© Unitarian
Universalist Community Church, Augusta, ME, Rev. Helen Zidowecki,
2012
Parenting: 9.
Search for Truth and Meaning (9
of 12 sessions)
AFFIRMATION:
Free and responsible search for truth and meaning.
We are always learning for ourselves. Opening Words/Lighting a candle/chalice Opening and closing words are from “It's Not Always Easy to be a UU Kid!” UUA REACH, Fall 2000, adapted, Rev. Anne Orfald, with permission. Do you or your children feel isolated as Unitarian Universalists because there are few UUs around you? Do people expect you to believe something different than you do? Are you put down or condemned for your beliefs? It doesn't always feel so lucky to be a UU kid. Sometimes it is very hard. My schoolmates and playmates were kids who grew up as Catholics and Lutherans and Methodists and Jews. I was the only one in my school, except for my brother and sister, who was Universalist. It can be pretty lonely. Of course, we didn't talk about religion that much, but when we did sometimes my friends would tell me I was going to hell, because I didn't believe the right things. My church taught me that Jesus was a good man and a good teacher, but he was not God. And my church taught me that there was no place called hell, where God sent those who were bad, to burn forever and ever. No such place as hell. And my church taught me that God was not a person -- not a Father like so many believed, but that God was a spirit of Love, which is deep inside of us, like a bright light. Maybe sometimes that light is a bit dim, but it is in each of us, no matter what our religion. My church also taught me that we don't have all the answers -- not about God or the universe, or about life and death. I was taught that there are things we don't know for sure. Check in/Sharing: How are things with you today? Topic/Activity: The search for truth and meaning carries tensions that provide a balance in the search: individuality and community, change and commitment, authority and questioning. 1. Individuality and Community. How do we honor the individuality of each person while realizing that we exist as part of a community? We learn individually, but the faith traditions come as part of a community.
What have you gained
from being part of a church community?
How do children feel part of the community? How do children see you contributing to the church community? (Parts in services, things we do around church, church attendance.) How can they contribute? 2.
Change and Commitment.
How do
we balance the need to change and the desire for stability over time?
We believe and act in the present. We may give children different
answers over a period of time. The commitment is to the process
of the
spiritual journey.
How comfortable are
you about not having specific answers? How do you feel when
confronted by others – sometimes including children – who
have defined beliefs that may differ from yours?
What can we do to enhance their ongoing spiritual journey as they grow into adulthood? 3.
Authority and questioning. Many
faith traditions attribute authority to a religious figure, deity or
sacred scripture, Unitarian Universalists draw inspiration from
various sources.
If we consider
authority as an accepted source of information or expertise, what do
you use as the authority or resources for your spiritual development?
Has the source of
authority changed over time?
What influence do
you have over the spiritual development of your children?
Check
out/Likes and Wishes: How
was the session for you?
Closing Words: Well, when that's the kind of teaching you get, that we don't have all the answers and that there are some things we aren't certain about, when you are up against someone who says they do have the answers and they are absolutely certain that you are wrong in your religion, it's not easy! It doesn't always feel lucky to be a UU kid. Have some of you had experiences like that? How does it feel for you? Even for adults, it isn't always easy. What can we say when we are pushed to believe as others do? Maybe
we can say, "In my religion we believe it is wrong to try to
make other people believe what we do. We believe that the one thing
that matters more than anything else is how we treat each other. If
we are kind to each other and don't hurt each other, that's what
matters, no matter what our religion is. We believe that we have to
help each other and try to work together to make the world a better
place. If we all agree on how to treat each other, we don't all have
to agree on our beliefs; we don't all have to be the same religion.
So don't tell me I am bad or wrong because I don't believe what you
do. That hurts me."
It's
not always easy to be a UU kid. If it gets hard sometimes, let's talk
about it and figure out together how to make it easier. Talk about
it…that is why we have communities of faith.
© Unitarian
Universalist Community Church, Augusta, ME, Rev. Helen Zidowecki,
2012
UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST PRINCIPLES/PARENTING: SMALL GROUP MINISTRY Parenting: 10. Right of Conscience and the Use of the Democratic Process (10 of 12 sessions) AFFIRMATION:
The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within
our congregations and in society at large.
We have a say about things that are important to us. Opening Words/Lighting a candle/chalice The democratic process is more than voting. It is involvement, commitment of energy and time to learn what the issues are, to form and express opinions, and to participate in the decision-making. It is the obligation to speak up on issues affecting us or on behalf of others. The
democratic process is communicating
so that people understand what is being discussed and have an
opportunity to express their opinions. It is listening to a diversity
of thought and feeling in order to more broadly understand the
implications of the decisions.
The
democratic process is knowing how, when and by whom decisions will be
made. It is understanding that there may be challenges and changes,
even when decisions seem ‘final’. This is the fluidity
and ambiguity of a democratic society.
The
right of conscience and the democratic process are interwoven. The
right of conscience that compels involvement is the ember that become
the flame of democracy. Both are embedded within our Unitarian
Universalist heritage. Let
us keep the heritage alive.
Check
in/Sharing:
How are things for you today?
Topic/Activity
You
are invited to explore various methods of decision-making.
Situation:
The group is deciding where to go to for dinner: "all American"
menu, Chinese, Italian, Mexican, fast food, etc. Use each of the
following methods to make the choice.
•
Voting.
Each person will have one vote and the majority will be the deciding
factor. Take a vote without discussion. Repeat the choices, giving
time for discussion before the vote is taken.
•
Consensus.
Repeat the choices of restaurants. Allow discussion until a decision
is made. If done well, this does not require a compromise that is
uncomfortable for a participant.
•
Random.
Write the choices on pieces of paper, and draw a paper to make the
selection.
Check
out/Likes and wishes: How
was this session for you?
Closing
words: How
often structures of our society place people in positions of power
over
and under
rather than power
alongside
(or with)! Even in our Unitarian Universalist families and
congregations, how much genuine power-sharing occurs? We need to
practice democracy as a way of truly proclaiming it. This means
promoting diversity, not favoritism; persuasion, not coercion;
inclusive language, not alienating jargon; a sense of humility, not
arrogance.
© Unitarian
Universalist Community Church, Augusta, ME, Rev. Helen Zidowecki,
2012
UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST PRINCIPLES/PARENTING: SMALL GROUP MINISTRY Parenting: 11. The Interdependent Web of all Existence (11 of 12 sessions)
AFFIRMATION:
Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a
part.
We
help take care of our world.
Opening
words/Lighting a candle/chalice
It's
all about connections. Once upon a time, scientists visited a village
in Borneo. They used a powerful spray to get rid of the flies and
mosquitoes. It also killed the wasps that ate the caterpillars that
lived in the grass roofs. With the wasps gone, the caterpillars just
ate and ate and ate. They ate so much grass that the roofs became
weak and fell down.
Remember
the flies that the DDT killed? They were eaten by geckos, little
lizards that lived in the huts. The geckos ate and ate, and soon they
had lots of DDT in them. They got sick, but before they died, the
cats ate them. The cats died, and the rats moved in. How did the
scientists solve this problem? Would you believe that they brought
airplanes full of cats and used parachutes to drop those cats over
the village! Soon the cats were catching the rats again, and the
people were safe from disease. Of course, they still had problems
with their roofs.
(Variations
of this story are found in We
Believe from
the Church of the Larger Fellowship, and The
Kids' Book of Awesome Stuff
by
Charlene Brotman, 2004)
Check
in/Sharing: How
are things with you today?
Topic/Activity
This
may be one of our most dynamic affirmations -- the understanding of
connections and the complexity of existence. The Opening Words
describe environmental connections. The web of existence addresses
the complex of the issues and of parenting itself.
Guided
imagery:
read reflectively, pausing for a few seconds between the points: Find
a comfortable position. Close your eyes if you wish.
Visualize
a situation or discussion that you have had recently, preferably with
a child.
Recall
the issue and try to relate it to one of the affirmations.
What
was the dialogue around the issue?
What
action was occurring in the situation?
What
factors came into the situation or dialogue? As the situation or
dialogue progressed, did it become clearer or more complex?
Move
toward the ending of the situation or dialogue.
What
was your feeling at the end about the situation or dialogue itself,
and about how it ended? Leave the situation and gradually return to
this space and time. Show that you have returned by opening your eyes
or changing position.
You
are invited to share your situations and complexities.
The
interdependent web and parenting.
How
do you balance the needs of children and your own needs? Where does
this become complex? How do you deal with the complexities?
How
do you balance the activities of the family at home, outside
activities of all family
members,
other obligations and spiritual well-being?
Do
you find any of the affirmations to be helpful in the complexity of
life?
Check
out/Likes and Wishes:
Comment
on the session, including content and group process. What went well
and what would you like to have changed?
Closing
Words:
Which
would you prefer, a black and white photo and a colored photo of a
sunset?
Which
would you prefer, having the photo or experiencing the sunset?
We
go for the experience, for the color, for the complexity. True, there
are times when black and white photos are preferred for clarity, but
our worlds are mixtures of grays and colors. So why should we want
'black and white ' spirituality? And why should we offer our children
'black and white' spirituality? When we fully engage the
'interdependent web of all existence,' every aspect of our lives is
enriched. Let us encourage our children to engage the complexities
and let us walk with them through these complexities. Helen
Zidowecki
©
Unitarian Universalist Community Church, Augusta, ME, Rev. Helen
Zidowecki, 2012
Parenting: 12.
The Child Factor (12
of 12 sessions)
Opening Words/Lighting a candle/chalice “Living our principles" is a nice motto, but in modeling Unitarian Universalist values, do our interactions with children model reverence and respect for life, and support and enhance their self-esteem? Do children hear or see us modeling our values? When our actions are not in harmony with our beliefs and values, are we willing to admit that to ourselves and children? There is no guarantee that our children will be lifelong Unitarian Universalists, but there is a guarantee that, if we are aware of being living role models for our children, our religion will be challenging, changing, and visible. Check in/Sharing: How are things going for you today? Topic/Activity
1. What is the most
spiritual part of your interactions with children?
2. What difference
does being a Unitarian Universalist make in how you interact with
children?
3. What would you
want your children to learn from you?
Check
out/Likes and Wishes: How
was the session for you?
Closing
Words
When I saw an adult speak harshly to a child and pull the child along with determined force, I did nothing. ....It was none of my business; When we had Guest at Our Table, I was very casual about urging contributions, or putting in anything myself. ....Others would contribute from the church.. When we saw a street person collecting cans, I didn't stop the disparaging remarks about "wasted" people....After all, I wasn't one of them. When someone asked about being forgiven by God, I changed the subject.... .My belief was different from theirs...... When I attended the discussion last night, I was sure to have my say!....MY ideas are important.... When I wasted natural resources without a thought, I realized that my actions were not in harmony with my beliefs..... And I vowed to change my actions ...children are watching.
© Unitarian
Universalist Community Church, Augusta, ME, Rev. Helen Zidowecki,
2012
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